Trauma & Codependency
Trauma happens when something overwhelms you.
It can be scary, dangerous, violent, or life-threatening. It may happen to you directly, or you can suffer trauma by seeing or hearing about someone you know in these situations.
Experiences vary from what we call “little t” trauma (car vandalism) to “big T” trauma (witnessing a fatal car accident) and everything in between.
The events have happened, but the negative effects are poor self-esteem, self-doubt, social anxiety, and much more. Being triggered is a normal occurrence and difficult to move through.
Traumatic experiences cause many negative symptoms, but they are very personal to each person. It could be body “jumps” when loud noises happen, distractions, difficulty sleeping, nightmares, or flashbacks, but it could also look TOTALLY different.
Codependency is an excessive reliance on others…
… generally for approval or to define identity.
It’s choosing to be uncomfortable so others can be comfortable. It’s hiding your true feelings, so people don’t think you’re selfish.
It’s frustrating because you have to do everything for others, but no one shows up for you. It is a hyper-fixation of approval of others and feeling “good” in all areas of your life.
You’re the highest performer at work, but it is because you need to be to feel worthy. You’re the best daughter/sister at home and are viewed as reliable. You pull out all the stops with your partner to keep them happy. You are the best friend someone could ask for and are readily available. A true ‘ride or die.’
Sure, in each avenue of life, you’re just the best at everything… but you do not feel that way. After putting others above yourself, you feel exhausted and like you’re living a lie.
Trauma and codependency often have this in common…
If you’ve been through trauma or have codependent tendencies, you probably make great efforts to be “good” – and to let others think of you that way, too.
You might ask parents, friends, or others for their opinions on situations because, deep down, it’s incredibly difficult for you to trust yourself.
So, making decisions is exceedingly difficult. You might even find it hard to go to the bathroom by yourself!
Making the “right choice” is so daunting because there’s the possibility that you’ll disappoint people in your life.
While that sounds exhausting, it doesn’t stop there.
The need to be “good,” do what is right, and blend in has an impact. These behaviors create a “put others first” mentality.
That’s why you constantly go without your needs met while others flourish and benefit from your actions.
You avoid confrontation like the plague. You wouldn’t dare be viewed as “sensitive” or “rude” or whatever other word. You must remain “good” as long as possible.
All this adds up to peace for others but not for you!
In therapy, we’ll focus on three R’s…
Realize: Identifying what you have endured when it comes to trauma or what you’ve held in when it comes to codependency.
Recognize: Determining the impacts that the realization has on you, your emotions, and your current situation.
Respond: Finding your voice, moving forward, and learning how to integrate tools into your day-to-day where you feel comfortable, confident, and safe to be yourself.
Here’s how we’ll help you put yourself first…
Learning where the desire to be “good” came from…
We will dig deep and determine why you may or may not believe you have value without trying to be someone you’re not.
Prioritizing your feelings and needs…
It has been about everyone else for so long… it is time to focus on you now. You will get tools to help you prioritize YOU.
Establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries…
You will learn how to create and set boundaries that help you live a genuine life that doesn’t include overcompensating.
Learning to define yourself apart from others’ opinions of you…
You will learn to get your value from within instead of from others.
It’s time for you to find peace.
I know it is tough to make things about yourself when you go out of your way for others.
But I’m here to say YOU also matter. I’m here to prioritize you and help you find comfort in prioritizing yourself.
If you are ready to move through your pain, codependency, and negative symptoms to improve your life, I’m here to journey with you.
Call me today for your free consultation. Let’s talk about how I can help: (615) 437-7191.